For You Blue

For You Blue

Jules jumped off the Main Street Bridge this morning. I’m not sure if it was because of the problems she had in her life that she was tired of trying to handle or if it was mine. 

She plunged down about 14 feet into the still frozen waters, crashing through the ice in a thin spot near one of the piles of the bridge. It wasn’t the fall that killed her, it was the entrapment under the ice that killed her; drowned her, but she knew it would. She was counting on it. She knew that she would be trapped under the ice, but she also knew that the ice wasn’t very thick anymore in this late time of February, and if she really wanted to, that is, if she would somehow at the last minute change her mind, she could have easily busted through and try for one last chance at grasping for the air just above. But she didn’t. 

She was found about 2 miles down the river, under the ice, clear as a window to the darkness below; she was face up, eyes open, as if to watch her own soul float upward towards the heavens, if that was the way she chose to go. The coldness of the water tightened her skin, making her look years younger, giving her this beautiful blue hue on her cheeks and lips that we always tried to attain when we would go out to the Goth clubs in college. Her hair floated slowly around her, but she remained still and peaceful, so beautiful. I knew she was dead, but as I looked at her threw the looking glass, I couldn’t help to be extremely jealous. The scene surrounding the river was beautiful; bare, brown trees whose branches caught some of the snow from the other night, fresh white sparkling, undisturbed snow caked onto the ground, clear blue sky reflected on the clear ice. Small tufts of clouds littered here and there. The sun made everything illuminated, even the shadows were crisp and defined. The sun made her eyes sparkle like obsidian. I wish that we wouldn’t have to disturbed her. I wish we could have let her stay in her frozen grave, forever to be beautiful, forever to be young and forever to be romanticized by lunatics like me.